Happenings and 2nd Chances

I have been extremely busy this past week with so many events and people. 

Well, first off I went for my first ever concert! Jason Mraz's tour is a four letter word concert was amazing of course. Even though I only knew only 50% of the songs, I totally enjoyed myself thoroughly. I am now a Jason Mraz lover. He has a talent for writing the most beautiful and meaningful lyrics. Bella Luna and Mr Curiousity has to be one of my favorites from the songs I have never heard. But of course, I sang and danced along to the must know songs from him like You and I, The Remedy, Lucky and I Won't Give Up to name a few. He is an artist and musician, not just a plain singer. That man can play a guitar, ukulele and piano like no other. The ticket was a birthday surprise from my darling close friend and sister Amanda. She has introduced a new experience to me that has gotten me hook. The next concert? Maroon 5! I am definitely going for their concert on the 20th of September. Adam Levine up close is something I will not miss! I'm convincing my father to purchase the ticket for me since he didn't get me anything for my twentieth birthday. I cannot wait.

On to the other things... Over the weekend, I was in Ipoh which is a little further up north for a Junior Youth Camp run by FLAME. FLAME stands for Foundations for Leadership And Moral Empowerment. FLAME works with Corporations in conducting youth developmental programs with schools and colleges. For more info, please do go to http://valueadd.com.my/FLAME/ Anyway, it was the first time I was involved in FLAME and boy, did I enjoy it. I just realized this week was filled with a whole lot of firsts. I learnt a lot from those there. I find it especially inspiring that my uncles and aunties can come up with these camps and have the determination and strife to make sure all of them are a success. They basically dedicate so much time and love to these youth camps and change the lives of these youths one by one. They focus on values and qualities that youths need to get through life. They give them a spiritual foundation to make decisions for both the present and the future. These kids, they come and leave a different person. Even if you can't see it, you know that there has been a change in their way of thinking and analyzing situations.

This FLAME camp focused on a couple of values such as respect, trustworthiness, responsibility and sense of purpose. The school we went to was a tamil speaking school which made language a little hard for us but at the end of the day, we could converse in a mixture of languages. The main point was to get the point across and ensure the lesson is understood. I cannot wait for the next camp. I also have another goal this half of the year. I want to focus on my Junior Youth group. I have a JY group of two kids who are amazingly my cousins. It's been going on for a couple of years but I think it's time to up the levels a little and take it more seriously. I never thought of myself as an animator. An animator is basically the person who tries to guide the participants onto the right track. Just to ensure they don't get distracted too much. The group however, is basically in charge of everything else. They have a series of books they have to complete and maybe a couple of projects they do. They choose the time and venue of the classes and even the projects they want to embark on. My group has completed the first two books and have done the car wash project and joined forces with the other groups to clean up the neighborhood park. It took me awhile but I have come to my senses. This is my way of giving back and my service to my community. I need to make the best of it and also, they are my younger cousins. I have a responsibility to them to do the best I can. FLAME, Junior Youth Gatherings and being part of the events going on such as holy days and 19 Day Feasts, I think I will see a nice change in my life. I cannot wait.

I have to say, it's the middle of the mid year point of this year and 2012 you are still amazing me with the way you're turning out to be. Change is something that has been very obvious and often in this year. With the amount of passings and the amount of births and pregnancies. Oh yeah, three of my cousins are pregnant! CHEERS! The moving out will eventually take place this year and university starts in a week and a half. Not only has change come but life is somehow giving me so many opportunities. Before this, it was constant challenges and now it's constant opportunities. Opportunities to choose a different path, neither being worse or better off than the other. Opportunities in the form of second chances at things that I never thought I would have a try at again. And the most interesting opportunities are those given to get myself closure and to stand up to what I would have shied away from previously. Seriously, I can see how I've changed. How I've grown.

I seriously am so eager to see what else this year holds for me. Fingers crossed and here's hoping it's all good.

xoxo,

Jules

Parents

I was talking to one of my best friends, Joshua over skype the other day. He's currently in Melbourne and has to be one of the people I love more than life itself. Anyway, Joshie and I usually talk about things happening in our lives and other nonsense that make us laugh our heads off. But one topic did come up that interested me and I thought maybe I could share some of my thoughts about it with you.

Basically, he and I started talking about relationships and where parents stand in the whole grey area of our lives. My parents and I use to have a sort of close relationship but with many disagreements with their over protectiveness. My father if he could, would hide me in the house and protect me from the world for the rest of my life. He's keep me in his shirt pocket so nothing bad would happen to me. That's sweet right? He always says that I am the one thing that matters in his life but that also gives me the power to hurt him the most. Anyway, it comes to a point where I couldn't throw the trash at night and not being able to drive on my own even though I've had my license for ages.

Recently however, with me turning twenty, having a full time job and now going on to university, the reins have loosened a fair bit. I drive every where myself and I go out more often. I even most probably will be staying on campus. Yeah, the normal rules of not staying over at people's houses and no short pants still apply but those rules kind of stuck to me and became more of what I think is right for myself. We all know I would never look good in short pants anyway. I basically have freedom now but I still need to tell them where I go, with who and they constantly call me and nag me about safety. Who could blame them with idiots people causing crime everywhere? I mean are people so desperate and unable to even get a job that they need to beat up old ladies to get money or constantly kidnap women? I mean seriously?

Anyway, the one part of my life that my parents still weigh in on are the relationships I have with guys. When I was younger, I would usually throw a fit with my parents if they didn't approve or just hide it from them which was more often than the former. That was in the teenage years. But I had my first 'serious' boyfriend when I was about 18 and what was different this time was I actually asked for consent from my parents. Well, my mom said no. However, she always and I mean ALWAYS says no. She thinks no one is good enough for me and never likes anyone I mention. She's my mother. That's why it's gotten to a point where her opinion matters but her decision.. doesn't play as crucial a part. I place a lot of importance of my dad's point of view though. My dad amazingly said and I quote, 'I'm not saying yes but I think it's something you need experience and is part of life.' The rest was history. He was amazing, my dad. Being all understanding when the boyfriend came to take me out and even drove us back from the mall once. But he obviously predicted the outcome when a year later the relationship went up in ruins and ended badly.

After that incident, I learnt how to talk and discuss with my parents though. That is the main lesson learnt from that relationship. The communication between my parents and I has moved forward leaps and bounds. I appreciate their opinion and they give me space to think on my own. But something told me, I shouldn't have involved them SO early even though at the time, it seemed the best thing to do. There were complications with parents during the relationship that could have been avoided and were really unnecessary.

Turning 20, I take my relationships with anybody and everybody much more seriously than years back and the conclusion that I've come to is that I will only involved the parents when I myself feel like the relationship is going to go somewhere and last. I do not see any point in telling my parents about someone who might just be around for 4 months and get them worked up over nothing. It also keeps the strain off my relationship with the guy and with my parents. I told my mom this recently. I told her I'm old enough to need my space and figure things out on my own. My uncle and one of my aunts told me that in the beginning, the parents just need to allow their kids who are no longer children to think things through on their own. There will come a point in time when the parents need to intervene but when it's so early on, just give the kids space. I totally agree unless there is a valid reason that is so solid for them to intervene like the guy killed a dude or something.

The only hard part is balancing everything. How much to tell, how much to filter. When to tell, when not to tell. It just goes to show - life is and always be a balancing act.

Just remember: everything in moderation.

xoxo,
Jules

Decisions Made!

It's been awhile since I updated this new blog of mine. I've been so caught up with life and its curve balls. So, to be blunt and straight to the point - Singapore is out of the picture. I got rejected by Singapore Management University! It kind of reconfirmed what I already decided to do. Before that, I spent 5 days straight in bed. I just kept sleeping and maybe getting up to have a bite or a shower. It's what I do when I have a problem and I can't figure out what to do. 

The final decision made is to go the HELP University in Damansara. I basically do my LLB - 2 years here and a year in UK. My dad wants me to go to Cardiff University. Well, we'll cross that bridge when it comes to it. I think my classes will be at 8am and end at 5pm. The jam from my home will be way too massive. I'd basically have to be up by 530am and leave by 615am to be there on time. By the time I leave university and get through the evening jam, I might only be back by 7pm. I'll be so tired! And the amount of cash that will be spent on petrol itself. Gah, I can feel the fatigue already. So, with all that and the fact if one car breaks down, my mom will start insisting on sending me to and fro which is a no go at all for me. 

That's my university! I went there to represent my high school in the inter school debate competition a few years back so at least I'm not going in blinded. And I do have a few friends there already; both from my previous college and high school, even childhood friends. 

Anyway, my parents and I decided it would be best for me to stay on campus. So that's what I'll be doing! Yay! I get my space and am able to be all independent. It'll be so much more convenient for me. No travelling and a bit more freedom. I get worried sometimes that my parents are not able to 'let go' of me. It's hard at home cause I'm not even allowed to throw the trash outside if I'm alone. It's not like I'm caged up in the house but my parents are so worried something might happen to me. I know that the world is not as safe as it use to be especially for a woman BUT we should not be living in fear. They cannot protect me forever. I will eventually need to go out into the world and fend for myself. It is better to learn now while I can still choose to come back than to just suddenly be forced to take care of myself years from now. Plus, 2 years from now I need to overseas. This small change will help with the big change coming up.

Anyway, I will only be living on campus on weekdays and be back on the weekends. It is a precondition my dad gave to me for me to be able to get an allowance. Honestly? It's expensive. Especially Damansara, the rich man's area. My fees is about 22000 but I get a scholarship of 5000 so that's 17000 a year. My rent itself is bout 630 a month? Living expenses? 500? I mean if you calculate everything, it doesn't come up even close to my brothers university expenses. I tell myself that to ease the guilt I feel for even going to university. The only thing I can do is work my bum off in year 2 to get a scholarship for my year in UK. That's the year that worries my dad. Ah, the stress I go through!

However, after having made this decision, I felt a burden ease off me. I feel so relieved. Now I can focus on getting myself back into shape. I need to get healthy again cause the Lord knows that after leaving my job, I've become so lazy and unhealthy, it's not funny. I do worry though bout' other things like my best friend, my parents and so on but these are things that I cannot control. I'm forcing myself to eat less and start exercising again. That I can control. And plus, I need to look good for university! I'm so worried and terrified. Sara is suppose to join me in a few months and even share my room with me. But what if she doesn't come?! Sorry, side tracked. I've been experimenting with looks and basically this is how I look now.

Hopefully this look sticks. My other best friend, Joshua says I change my appearance all the time. But I kind of like this one. =) With all these things going on, I can't focus on the whole 'love' area of my life which is good. I don't want to. Not just yet. Remember, don't think about things you cannot control. I just want to go with the flow now. 

Matters of the heart can wait.


Oh yeah, I started eating breakfast and I made pancakes today. It was an attempt that failed numerous times. But finally the last batch came out alright. It was edible and tasted so much better with the cup of orange juice I had with it. Took an instagram.

xoxo, Jules