Parents

I was talking to one of my best friends, Joshua over skype the other day. He's currently in Melbourne and has to be one of the people I love more than life itself. Anyway, Joshie and I usually talk about things happening in our lives and other nonsense that make us laugh our heads off. But one topic did come up that interested me and I thought maybe I could share some of my thoughts about it with you.

Basically, he and I started talking about relationships and where parents stand in the whole grey area of our lives. My parents and I use to have a sort of close relationship but with many disagreements with their over protectiveness. My father if he could, would hide me in the house and protect me from the world for the rest of my life. He's keep me in his shirt pocket so nothing bad would happen to me. That's sweet right? He always says that I am the one thing that matters in his life but that also gives me the power to hurt him the most. Anyway, it comes to a point where I couldn't throw the trash at night and not being able to drive on my own even though I've had my license for ages.

Recently however, with me turning twenty, having a full time job and now going on to university, the reins have loosened a fair bit. I drive every where myself and I go out more often. I even most probably will be staying on campus. Yeah, the normal rules of not staying over at people's houses and no short pants still apply but those rules kind of stuck to me and became more of what I think is right for myself. We all know I would never look good in short pants anyway. I basically have freedom now but I still need to tell them where I go, with who and they constantly call me and nag me about safety. Who could blame them with idiots people causing crime everywhere? I mean are people so desperate and unable to even get a job that they need to beat up old ladies to get money or constantly kidnap women? I mean seriously?

Anyway, the one part of my life that my parents still weigh in on are the relationships I have with guys. When I was younger, I would usually throw a fit with my parents if they didn't approve or just hide it from them which was more often than the former. That was in the teenage years. But I had my first 'serious' boyfriend when I was about 18 and what was different this time was I actually asked for consent from my parents. Well, my mom said no. However, she always and I mean ALWAYS says no. She thinks no one is good enough for me and never likes anyone I mention. She's my mother. That's why it's gotten to a point where her opinion matters but her decision.. doesn't play as crucial a part. I place a lot of importance of my dad's point of view though. My dad amazingly said and I quote, 'I'm not saying yes but I think it's something you need experience and is part of life.' The rest was history. He was amazing, my dad. Being all understanding when the boyfriend came to take me out and even drove us back from the mall once. But he obviously predicted the outcome when a year later the relationship went up in ruins and ended badly.

After that incident, I learnt how to talk and discuss with my parents though. That is the main lesson learnt from that relationship. The communication between my parents and I has moved forward leaps and bounds. I appreciate their opinion and they give me space to think on my own. But something told me, I shouldn't have involved them SO early even though at the time, it seemed the best thing to do. There were complications with parents during the relationship that could have been avoided and were really unnecessary.

Turning 20, I take my relationships with anybody and everybody much more seriously than years back and the conclusion that I've come to is that I will only involved the parents when I myself feel like the relationship is going to go somewhere and last. I do not see any point in telling my parents about someone who might just be around for 4 months and get them worked up over nothing. It also keeps the strain off my relationship with the guy and with my parents. I told my mom this recently. I told her I'm old enough to need my space and figure things out on my own. My uncle and one of my aunts told me that in the beginning, the parents just need to allow their kids who are no longer children to think things through on their own. There will come a point in time when the parents need to intervene but when it's so early on, just give the kids space. I totally agree unless there is a valid reason that is so solid for them to intervene like the guy killed a dude or something.

The only hard part is balancing everything. How much to tell, how much to filter. When to tell, when not to tell. It just goes to show - life is and always be a balancing act.

Just remember: everything in moderation.

xoxo,
Jules