Decisions Made!

It's been awhile since I updated this new blog of mine. I've been so caught up with life and its curve balls. So, to be blunt and straight to the point - Singapore is out of the picture. I got rejected by Singapore Management University! It kind of reconfirmed what I already decided to do. Before that, I spent 5 days straight in bed. I just kept sleeping and maybe getting up to have a bite or a shower. It's what I do when I have a problem and I can't figure out what to do. 

The final decision made is to go the HELP University in Damansara. I basically do my LLB - 2 years here and a year in UK. My dad wants me to go to Cardiff University. Well, we'll cross that bridge when it comes to it. I think my classes will be at 8am and end at 5pm. The jam from my home will be way too massive. I'd basically have to be up by 530am and leave by 615am to be there on time. By the time I leave university and get through the evening jam, I might only be back by 7pm. I'll be so tired! And the amount of cash that will be spent on petrol itself. Gah, I can feel the fatigue already. So, with all that and the fact if one car breaks down, my mom will start insisting on sending me to and fro which is a no go at all for me. 

That's my university! I went there to represent my high school in the inter school debate competition a few years back so at least I'm not going in blinded. And I do have a few friends there already; both from my previous college and high school, even childhood friends. 

Anyway, my parents and I decided it would be best for me to stay on campus. So that's what I'll be doing! Yay! I get my space and am able to be all independent. It'll be so much more convenient for me. No travelling and a bit more freedom. I get worried sometimes that my parents are not able to 'let go' of me. It's hard at home cause I'm not even allowed to throw the trash outside if I'm alone. It's not like I'm caged up in the house but my parents are so worried something might happen to me. I know that the world is not as safe as it use to be especially for a woman BUT we should not be living in fear. They cannot protect me forever. I will eventually need to go out into the world and fend for myself. It is better to learn now while I can still choose to come back than to just suddenly be forced to take care of myself years from now. Plus, 2 years from now I need to overseas. This small change will help with the big change coming up.

Anyway, I will only be living on campus on weekdays and be back on the weekends. It is a precondition my dad gave to me for me to be able to get an allowance. Honestly? It's expensive. Especially Damansara, the rich man's area. My fees is about 22000 but I get a scholarship of 5000 so that's 17000 a year. My rent itself is bout 630 a month? Living expenses? 500? I mean if you calculate everything, it doesn't come up even close to my brothers university expenses. I tell myself that to ease the guilt I feel for even going to university. The only thing I can do is work my bum off in year 2 to get a scholarship for my year in UK. That's the year that worries my dad. Ah, the stress I go through!

However, after having made this decision, I felt a burden ease off me. I feel so relieved. Now I can focus on getting myself back into shape. I need to get healthy again cause the Lord knows that after leaving my job, I've become so lazy and unhealthy, it's not funny. I do worry though bout' other things like my best friend, my parents and so on but these are things that I cannot control. I'm forcing myself to eat less and start exercising again. That I can control. And plus, I need to look good for university! I'm so worried and terrified. Sara is suppose to join me in a few months and even share my room with me. But what if she doesn't come?! Sorry, side tracked. I've been experimenting with looks and basically this is how I look now.

Hopefully this look sticks. My other best friend, Joshua says I change my appearance all the time. But I kind of like this one. =) With all these things going on, I can't focus on the whole 'love' area of my life which is good. I don't want to. Not just yet. Remember, don't think about things you cannot control. I just want to go with the flow now. 

Matters of the heart can wait.


Oh yeah, I started eating breakfast and I made pancakes today. It was an attempt that failed numerous times. But finally the last batch came out alright. It was edible and tasted so much better with the cup of orange juice I had with it. Took an instagram.

xoxo, Jules