I got rejected by the National University of Singapore.
Talk about being blunt and straight to the point, right? I kind of expected it really. I laughed when I saw the email. And amazingly... I'm not the least bit upset. How surprising. I mean maybe it's cause I didn't place my hopes up. Okay maybe I didn't have hopes at all. Also, if I were to choose to go to Singapore to pursue my studies, my choice university would be the Singapore Management University which I have yet to hear from. I've become indifferent to what the outcome is actually. Honestly, it may seem like I already set my mind in going to the UK and I know if the university (SMU, that is) decides to not accept me, I have another solid and very appealing option already in the works.
I did also get my SAT results back too. I got a 1810. Well, I don't know what that means exactly but I know I killed my writing section. I got a 11 out of 12 for my essay and scored within the 91% of the National Percentile of people who sat for the test. I think that's good. But, SMU did state that I should at least get a 1900 to have a competitive advantage. It was the darn Mathematics section that screwed me up. I haven't done a math equation in like 3 to 4 years and then suddenly I need to recall all that I forgotten back? All I have to say is that for someone who didn't even know what the SATs were and had to study on her own for more or less a month, I did okay. Once again, I've taken on a nonchalant attitude towards the whole scenario. If SMU sends me a rejection letter, all I have to do is apply to HELP University and that's it.
Honestly speaking, I could do that now and have a plan set in motion. I don't really have to want to go to Singapore anymore anyway. So, what is holding me back? I think it's the fact that I don't want to apply to HELP and then have an offer letter from SMU come to my doorstep or email. I want to have that option there if needed be I take it. It may be selfish and very much childish of me but I want the option to run if things here get rough. I'm a coward maybe but I'm just human I guess. It's because I've never had the chance or option to run away from things when they get hard or don't go my way. I've always put on a strong face and faced my challenges head on like any other adult would. Many would now think, 'Oh my God, this girl just turned 20. What kind of hardships would she have? She's barely started life.' That's very very true but everyone has their set of challenges that need to face. Yours and mine may be very different and it may seem like life has barely begun and I'm already complaining. But, we shouldn't judge. What I find to be difficult, you may find to be easy. Anyone and everyone no matter how old has to deal with things. Mine for myself, has just been very draining and tiring, just as yours has been for you.
Anyway, with that said, freedom and independence also are two things that I long for very much. That's what I'll get if I go to Singapore. Being the only girl and the youngest, I've been over protected my whole 20 years of life and I want to be able to make my own decisions. Basically, I want to be in control of my life. I need to breathe and stop being smothered. I love and am beyond appreciative for my support group and parents who have sheltered me and kept me from harm. But sometimes you just want to be break free and live life on your own terms. It may be scary at first but I think I need to learn a thing or two on my own which I won't be able to if everyone keeps trying to catch me before I fall.
These are just thoughts and wants that play 20% of my final decision. I may be emotionally driven but I do keep my brains in making decisions that affect my life.
I've weighed cost of both Singapore and a UK transfer degree. They are more or less the same when cost of living is taken into consideration as well as HELPs scholarship and Singapore's tuition grants. Also, the road beyond my degree has also been thought of. Choosing UK, I get a better and more relaxed studying university environment that makes the transition to studying the BAR much easier compared to Singapore's highly competitive setting that needs me to stay an extra 4 years to pay back the tuition grant and do a compulsory internship. Also, I need to ask when does my BAR or practice license come into play in Singapore? UK is much more appealing to a law student and opens up many doors especially in commonwealth countries.
Decisions, decisions, decisions. Before I make any, I want to know what SMU says. And if they reject me, well, I was just meant to always go to HELP and UK.
For now, I just wait. *AIYO*
XoXo,
Jules
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